BALLER

Nienke Schijndel @nienke.fitness

💰 Money Talks, But These Homes Yell It Loud

Pets Living Better Than You

Walking into a house that screams money feels like stepping into a whole other reality—one where even the pets are living better than you. They got golden retrievers reclining on custom velvet chaises in front of a fireplace, while you’re wondering if your foldable chair at home is still holding up.

The décor is a curated mix of “Oh, this old thing? It’s vintage” and “I casually won this at an auction.” Coffee tables are repurposed antiques from European castles, and the artwork on the walls is so original you’d feel guilty just breathing near it.

It’s not just a home; it’s a flex in every square inch.

 💆 Mornings Made Manly

The Alarm Clock Battle

Every man’s morning starts with the same enemy: the alarm clock—a test of willpower, bravery, and occasionally, throwing accuracy. The snooze button is your best friend, offering the sweet promise of “five more minutes” that inevitably turn into 30. Real men don’t wake up to soothing ocean sounds; they rise to the aggressive blaring of an alarm that screams, “Get up, or you’re late!”.

It’s a daily showdown, and honestly, the clock wins most of the time.

💯 Scents of Success

When Smelling Good Hurts

[Partner] Aftershave.. a test of your tolerance for pain. The moment it touches your skin, you’re hit with a burn so intense it feels like your pores are crying. But the reward? A scent that says, “Yes, I endured agony for this, and now I smell like success.” Pair it with the right cologne—something with a name like “Midnight Power” or “Executive Swagger”—and suddenly you’re the guy everyone wants to stand next to.

Just don’t go overboard, or you’ll end up smelling like you bathed in your dad’s cologne collection.

🏃‍♂️ Tips to Be a Better Runner

The Art of Not Looking Like You’re Dying

For some of us, jogging is akin to convincing everyone you pass that you’re not one step away from collapse. Sure, your lungs are on fire and your legs feel like jelly, but that’s what sunglasses and a confident nod are for. Mastering the “I’m totally fine” face is crucial. Bonus points if you can jog past a café full of people without them thinking they need to call an ambulance.

🎶 This Week’s Playlist

Kendrick’s Got Us Running for a Dictionary

Kendrick Lamar is back, and as usual, he’s dropping bars so deep you need a PhD in philosophy to fully understand them. You’ll listen, nod like you totally get it, and then Google the lyrics later to decipher his genius. His new track will leave you hyped, slightly confused, and convinced that you, too, can change the world if you figure out what he’s actually saying. It’s the kind of song that makes your workout playlist feel intellectual.

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🤔 Got Ideas? Let’s Hear Them!

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